Welcome to the Freak Show

I must have something on my forehead that reads, "If you are incapable of having a normal conversation and cannot pick up a girl to save your life, please come talk to me" because, in the event that I do get approached while out, it more often than not results in an awkward situation where the guy totally weirds me out and/or offends me.

Here are my Top 5 Favorite Incidents

5. Save a Horse, Ride a Cow?





So picture it, it's me and 2 of my friends sitting at a booth at the bar and over comes 2 guys who just so nicely squeeze their way into our booth with us. They start the usual lame line of "so, you come here often?" I knew it wasn't going to go well from there. The guys proceed to tell us that they 'aren't from around here.' This is where we make a wrong turn and end up in Weirdville. One of the guys said, "Yeah, I rode into town from Ames on my cow." Puzzled does not even begin to describe the looks on our faces. We quickly made a U-Turn and left them in the dust. Lesson: Don't make absurd comments when you don't know the people you are talking to - we don't know you, we don't know your sense of humor.

4.The Smooth Talker



We were out for a friend's birthday, just trying to have a good time, and this guy approaches me while I was bellying up to the bar for a drink. He introduces himself and we start conversing. He was kind of cute and the conversation was going well, until he made the mistake of asking me, "So, you going home with me tonight?" Now only one thing was going through my head at this point - clearly this guy is clueless. By no means did I do anything or say anything to even sort of suggest I was going home with this guy. Lesson: Learn how to read people.

3. I Object!



I was out celebrating my friend's law school graduation and met a few other of his fellow graduates. One of them looked like he should have been hosting a game show, circa 1974, and I was the unfortunate contestant. *ding ding ding, what do we have for her Johnny* He approaches me, looks me up and down, and says, "You look like you're going to need a divorce lawyer someday..." Lesson: Never try to get a girl's attention by insulting her - it will never work.

2. Take Your Positions...



I was indulging in a few beverages while listening to Johnny Cover-Band, who has the same act every Friday night at this particular establishment, and this guy who I knew of from college comes over to our table and starts talking to me...let's call him Walking STD...so WSTD starts talking to me and amidst our b.s. conversation about how we know the same people, Johnny Cover Band starts playing the infamous Tenacious D song...This is a song for the ladies, but fellas listen close...*cue the hoops and hollers from the crowd* After the song was over, WSTD leans in close and asks, "So, what is your favorite?" Lesson: It is not cute, nor clever to quote a line from a Tenacious D song to someone you barely know, especially if you're more notorious for being the campus male slut, than the star wrestler....

1. Roofie Wishes and Kidney Dreams



Naomi and I elbow our way through the crowd to get up to the bar and next to us are 2 guys. One guy flirtatiously accuses us of 'budging' in front of them, even though they already had drinks in there hands. Then he goes one step further and says that it would be so nice of us to offer to buy them a round of drinks as well. Seems pretty harmless, right? He then uses the overly-used/not funny comment about us not putting roofies in their drinks, because he had a bad experience last time. He keeps on with the story and says how last time this happened he woke up with one of his kidneys missing. *cue the scary music from Psycho*



You think after seeing the looks of pure horror on Naomi and I's faces that we are actually still standing there listening to him go on about his 'missing kidney', he would have stopped...but oh no, he keeps going. I finally interrupt him after he asked me if I wanted his other kidney, and said, "If this is your pick-up line, I suggest you get a new one because it's not working." He replies, "No, it's not a pick-up line, it's supposed to make you feel creeped out and uncomfortable." To which I say, "Well, congratulations, you're succeeding" and walk away. Lesson: Keep it in the circus guys.

Swear Jar

Big E made the mistake of telling me last week that he wanted to work on not swearing so much. I told him I would do him the favor of holding him accountable for this and started a "Big E Swear List" and I've been keeping track of every time he violates the "no swearing" rule. He's doing pretty well - I've only had to make three tick marks so far (although two of them were today) We haven't established what the consequence will be yet...we are still in negotiations. But this no swearing thing reminded me of this commercial...

One Wild and Crazy Girl

Whew...it's been one crazy Friday night at 187. It all started with a trip to McDonald's for a QPC, followed by a few episodes of Sex and the City. Then I decided to go upstairs and jam to some tunes while attempting to clean my room...but I got side tracked and painted my nails instead. I did manage to pick up a little bit...but my room still needs more TLC. To close out the evening, L and I decided it was time to whip out Guitar Hero.

Yep...that was my Friday night...fml.

25 Things You May Not Know About Me

One of my favorite articles to read in US Weekly is the "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" where a celebrity creates a random list of facts about themselves. So I thought I'd write a list of my own.

1. There are several movie series I've never seen - Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Rocky, Harry Potter.
2. I do not like when people spell my name with an 'h' (Nichole)
3. I was the salutatorian of my high school class.
4. I hate the sound of my voice.
5. I have sprained both of my ankles a total of 6 times...once was so bad they put a cast on my leg.
6. The first concert I ever went to was Sheryl Crow...I was in 8th grade.
7. I hate getting up early but also hate to sleep the morning away.
8. I played the piano for 8 years and now looking back, I wish I never stopped playing.
9. I love scary movies but cannot watch one by myself.
10. I have a bad habit of picking at my nails when I'm nervous or bored.
11. I love the word parched.
12. If I could pick a talent it would be to sing.
13. My favorite holiday is Christmas.
14. One of my pet peeves is when people refer to their pets as their children. (sorry to any readers who do this)
15. When I was 2 I beat up my cousin for his Christmas present - a Snoopy stuffed animal....my parents took back the Sesame Street character I got and got me the Snoopy doll I so honorably fought for...I still have him :)
16. I have never been ice skating.
17. I am scared of birds.
18. I like Pepsi better than Coke but Diet Coke better than Diet Pepsi.
19. I have never lost at Friends Scene It.
20. I don't like milk.
21. I am directionally challenged and am terrible at reading maps....mapquest is a life saver.
22. I've spent more than one Friday night staying home sipping hot cocoa while knitting.
23. I do not have patience for ignorance.
24. My favorite T-shirt is a navy blue sports camp shirt that I've had since the 4th grade.
25. One of my favorite qualities to see in a person is his/her thoughtfulness.

Try Saying

Working in an office environment, I am highly entertained by office-related humor, i.e. Office Space, The Office, and the occasional forward. Here is one particular forward that is one of my favorites....

From: Human Resources
To: The Supervisors

Dear Supervisors:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
of normal conversation with their coworkers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
offended, this type of language will be no longer been tolerated. We do
however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that
proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective
manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f**k do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f***ing way.

TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh***ing me!

TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a s**t.

TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f***ing problem.

TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f**k?

TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This s**t won't work.

TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat s**t and die.

TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F**k it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING:
I see.
INSTEAD OF:
Blow me.

TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a prick.

TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f**k you're doing.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Blast From the Past

On my way home today, I heard this song on the radio...totally forgot about Tripping Daisy. Definitely have this cassette tape floating around my room back at home somewhere!





Here is another one off their album, I Am an Elastic Firecracker. Listened to this one quite a bit too back in the day.

Sweet Home Chicago

I took a little weekend get-a-way trip to Chicago to visit my best friend Sarah this past weekend. It had been about 3 years since my last time there so I was excited to visit again. Another good roadtrip for the memory books...

Dinner and a Movie Friday: I arrived to the Naperville train station and rode the rails to downtown Friday evening. After arriving, we quickly changed and headed to P.J. Clarke's for dinner and drinks. Afterwards, we had every intention of walking around and hitting up a few hot spots until we walked outside and realized it was raining. So, instead we made the trek back to her place, drank some wine, and watched a movie. (It got pretty crazy as you can tell)

Exploration Saturday: We had every intention of relaxing on the beach Saturday but Mother Nature had other plans...the unseasonably cool temps put our beach plans in the garbage. But, it was still sunny and made for a perfect day of walking around. My feet were hating me and my flip flops by the end of Saturday, as we walked all over the place. I told Sarah that I wanted to stay away from shopping - but in true Nic fashion, we just happened to stop into Urban Outfitters...and American Apparel...and Northface...and Water Tower...and Adidas. I did purchase a couple things at Urban Outfitters and came very close to getting a pair of shoes I had my eyes on at the Adidas store but decided at the last minute to wait on that purchase. After our slight shopping detour, we stopped at Eduardo's Natural Pizza to refuel for our afternoon adventures. After eating a few slices of the spinach pizza, we headed back out and went to Millenium Park, Grant Park, and Wrigleyville.



In front of the Cloud Gate, aka, the Bean




My own version of Fear Factor - A massive amount
of birds at Grant Park. This picture does not quite depict
just how many there were. Needless to say, we didn't hang
out here too long!




Go Cubs Go!

Saturday evening we went to Big Bowl for some delicious Asian cuisine, then headed back to Sarah's to enjoy in some drinks and fireworks on her rooftop deck.

So Long Sunday: And today, after grabbing a coffee, I made the long journey back to the dsm. It was kind of a whirlwind weekend, but so glad I went!

A special thanks to Sarah for being an awesome hostess! Can't wait to return to the windy city!