SOS

4. This number has been harassing me for the past couple of weeks, knocking at my door, and stubbornly waiting for me to answer. I've been cowering under my bed, hoping it would just go away, but I finally broke down this week. 4. It's been 4 years since I've graduated college. I've been living in Des Moines for 4 years. And I've been in the workforce for 4 years.

I've been asking myself one question, constantly trying to come up with a satisfying answer: What do I have to show for it all?

I feel like my life has been pretty stagnant over the past 4 years. I've definitely had ups and downs - new friends, once and for all final break-ups, moving out and surviving all on my own, new additions to my life, and on the flip side, losing loved ones, a little bit of traveling... - I guess I just feel like I should be farther in life than where I'm at. Maybe because when I was back in college, 27 seemed so far away and so grown up. I just pictured it a little differently in my head.

Reality is I'm rounding the corner to 27 and I feel like I'm in the same place I was at 23. Unattached, same job, and still no clue as to what path I need to be heading down. I still don't know what I want to do when I "grow up".

I feel as though I'm treading water in the middle of the ocean. I'm tired and all I want is for a boat sailing across the water to see me and rescue me, taking me to shore. I know that the likelihood of that happening is slim to none. Most people aren't lucky enough to have something just fall into their laps. I'll be more than happy to have a life saver be tossed my way, and to have the opportunity to work my way towards shore. I just wish the life saver was within sight.

I envy those who know what they're supposed to be doing with their lives. Like my sister - from the time I can remember, she always said she was going to grow up and become a teacher. And sure enough, she is. And even better, she absolutely loves what she does and she is so incredibly good at it. A friend - worked his way through his degree to become a lawyer and a fine one at that. I look back at my choice major and I wonder where I came up with it. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew I had to pick something. It was a shot in the dark...I missed. Looking back, I realize that I never really felt passionate about it. I never was overly interested with my classes. Marketing Strategy just never really whipped me into an excited frenzy. I never felt like I was really working towards a specific end goal. I was just going through the motions, doing what I needed to do, but never had that mentality of, "I'm going to be doing ____________ when I graduate."

The good news is, I recognize the problem. The bad news is I'm not sure how exactly I'm supposed to solve it. I think about this a lot and lately it has consumed my thoughts, to the point where I've grown anxious, upset, and pushed people away. I think I've finally hit my breaking point. Unfortunately, after the cry fest I had last night, I still don't have the answers. But I'm determined to keep searching and I continue to pray for some clarity and understanding.

I know I need to be patient, after all, it's not going to happen over night. And I'm willing to do the work. I have started to locate outlets that will hopefully not only help relieve a little bit of the tension, but can lead me to more/different opportunities. They may be small steps, but steps nonetheless, in creating the necessary changes I need in my life.

I may be losing right now, but I'm a fighter, and I refuse to drown.

Off To the Races

Last night we headed out to Prairie Meadows to see the camel and ostrich races, which I thought would've been the highlight of the evening. Although those 10 seconds were laughable, it did not beat this:



My winnings from one of the horse races! Needless to say, I was a high roller for the rest of the night.

Gotta Have Faith

While driving this morning, I noticed my patience was already wearing thin because of the smallest things: someone not using their turn signal which resulted in a standstill between the SUV and myself, and a truck turning right in front of me, cutting me off. Why I was so easily agitated remains a mystery, but I quickly was put in check when I witnessed what appeared to be a simple, random act of kindness.

The strong storms last night left some people to clean up what looked like disaster zones in their yards - debris, leaves, tree limbs, etc. As I looked around at all the mess some residents were cleaning, I noticed a woman with a helmet on and her bicycle standing off to the side. She was bent over breaking sticks down and putting them in a trash bag. I couldn't help but smile when I saw this. I can only assume this woman was out for a bike ride, saw this particular area and how bad of shape it was in, and decided to hop off her bike and lend a hand to the neighborhood and its residents. In what sometimes seems to be a world full of destruction and hate, it's nice to be reminded that there are good-hearted, kind, selfless people out there.

You Say Puh-TAY-toe, I Say Puh-TAH-toe

While looking at few photos Naomi had posted on Facebook today, I realized how much fun I have with my friends. Whether it's a Chinese take-out/rat tail kind of night or a faux birthday party for a celebrity - we always manage to have a good time. To some, we are probably considered immature and weird. To that I say, think what you will. We have fun and when I look at pictures such as these, I think how cool my friends are.


Glee Party

You may ask, "Did they really dress up for the
premier of a TV show? Yep, we sure did and
had a blast doing it...and I bet you can
see who we were all trying to portray too!


At Red Robin for J-Simps birthday.

You might think it is ridiculous to take a cut out
of a celebrity to a restaurant in honor of her
birthday. I think it's a fantastic excuse to get
together with friends for a fun evening.



Daily Grind

Is it silly that we're in our mid twenties
and still play as though we're
ten? Perhaps, but we also see it as
having a good time.


Hot Sundae

Acting out the Saved By the Bell video may seem
immature, but once you see it, you'd totally
laugh too :)

I love that I have a close-knit group of friends who I can laugh uncontrollably with, who I can vent to and cry with, and most importantly, who I can be myself around.

Beginner's Luck

I participated in my first bracket (ever) during this year's World Cup. Thanks to Spain's victory this afternoon, I climbed my way back to the top of the leader board, after having taken a tumble down to 4th place. I would love to say it was my impeccable soccer knowledge that got me the top spot, but I'm pretty sure it was just pure luck!

Family Reunion

Another weekend over and another reunion in the books. It was another fun-filled family weekend - full of good food and great entertainment.

While driving home this afternoon, I couldn't help but think...

Family is such a powerful thing. There is just something so special and so rare about being surrounded by people who love you unconditionally and to whom you can always rely on. Your worries seem to melt away when greeted at the door with nothing but hugs and smiles. It's a pretty amazing thing, actually, when you take a step back and realize how happy someone can be to see you. It sort of gives you that, "I'm really that special to these people?" realization, which is a great realization to have. You suddenly feel a sense of comfort and contentment - how incredible that this thing we call love can fill your needs.


My favorite weekend moment: riding in the car with Regan over to the lake. We were counting to 10, singing our ABC's, singing the Wheels on the Bus and Itsy Bitsy Spider, and best of all, I was teaching her a few Spanish words. She now knows hola, adios, and besos (to which we'd start blowing kisses at each other)

Life In a Day

While cruising on the information superhighway tonight, I came across this and it definitely piqued my interest