BossyPants

I'm a big fan of Tina Fey. I liked her in her SNL days and when Mean Girls came out, I grew even fonder. So, I was thrilled to find out several months ago that she had a book coming out. As soon as I heard this, I got online to put in my request for it at the library.

Fast forward a few months to last Friday...I had finally gotten an email from the library stating that they had the book on hold for me and that I could pick it up. I was planning on leaving for home right after work that day, but the arrival of this news changed my plans slightly. I decided it was worth the detour to go back out West first to get my book. After all, I had been without for several weeks and was jonesing to pick up a book and start turning some pages.

When I got to the library, I was caught off guard a little when I saw that there wasn't a hardback or paperback copy waiting for me, but an audiobook. For some reason, my first reaction was a little disappointment. But then I thought for a moment....actually this is perfect! I have about 6 hours worth of driving ahead of me this weekend - what better way to keep me entertained.

Did I mention this was my first audiobook? Crazy, right? I loved it. 5.5 of those driving hours flew by as Tina's voice filled my stereo speakers with entertaining stories. Bossypants is a great book, that loosely chronicles her life, from a young girl at summer theater camp, to her days at Second City in Chicago and then SNL, to 30 Rock and beyond, and the insights she's gathered along the way. A few of my favorite lines:

*In one chapter she addresses some "unanswered mail", as she puts it, from people who have expressed their opinions of her online.

"Tina Fey is an ugly, pear-shaped, bitchy, overrated troll"

Her response:

Dear Centaurious,

First let me say how inspiring it is that you have learned to use a computer.

I hate for our correspondence to be confrontational, but you have offended me deeply. To say I'm an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair. I'll leave it for others to say if I'm the best, but I am certainly one of the most dedicated trolls guarding bridges today. I always ask three questions, at least two of which are riddles.

As for "ugly, pear-shaped and bitchy"? I prefer the terms "offbeat, business class–assed and exhausted", but I'll take what I can get. There's no such thing as bad press!

Now go to bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at Nasa early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope.

Affectionately,

Tina

*When talking about unobtainable body images:

"But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes."

*Replaying the first Sarah Palin skit, "...and I can see Russia from my house." That never gets old :)

I really could go on and on, but me listing quote after quote would be both silly and tedious. It's witty, honest, and sincere, and only makes me like her more. I highly recommend checking it out.

Water Cooler Convo

*Thursday afternoon*

Dick: Married yet?

Jane: Nope.

Dick: Getting closer?

Jane: Nope

Dick: You know, Jane, you aren't getting any younger.

Jane: I know.

Dick: Your clock is ticking.

Jane: Thanks.

Dick: Have your parents had that talk with you yet?

Jane: Nope.

Dick: I'm just kidding. You're what, 26? You have plenty of time. My wife didn't start having kids until she was 30.

Jane: Great.

Appropriate work conversation with a co-worker? Signs point to no. Any suggestions on how Jane should have responded?

Fore!

Last week we hit up the driving range, in preparation for the upcoming golf outing. I was excited to use my clubs (and by my clubs I mean my dad's old ones) but was extremely nervous. As we pulled into the parking lot, I actually had some butterflies in my stomach. Seems silly, huh? Well, I am pretty self-conscious about my golfing skills, being that I don't really have any. In fact, this was the first time I swung a club in front of someone other than my parents! Because I never felt ready to subject anyone else to my below sub-par golf game, the majority of my past golfing experiences, which isn't a lot, it has just been my dad and me. And, while we're on the subject, I've lived by a few rules when golfing with him: 1. Do not tee off on the first hole if there are people waiting in line behind us. Rather, drop my ball where my dad's lands. 2. Always politely decline if offered to join a single or twosome we run into along the course. 3. When frustrated, try very hard not to cry. (Shamefully, I actually shed tears one afternoon, after an especially frustrating day.)

Anyway, back to the story...After getting a large bucket of balls, we walked far away from the other people out there (because I was convinced there was a huge spotlight on me and that everyone would stop what they were doing and watch me, and then laugh hysterically at my attempts at hitting the ball) and started swinging. I put my tee in the ground, got out my 3 Wood and.....whiff! Not the best way to start, but the good news is I improved from there. Quite a few were grounders, but I did manage to get some up in the air and most of the balls I hit, I was hitting straight. Now if I could just get some power behind it, hit them up in the air higher, and hit them a little farther out, I would be in good shape. Oh and stay focused. Golf is definitely a game of concentration. And a few things I constantly have to remind myself: stay down, do not try to smack the hell out of the ball (that's when I whiff), and do not get up to watch the ball after hitting it.

The first outing went better than I expected it to and turned out to a be lot of fun. Not to mention it's cheap entertainment. $9 for a couple hours worth of fun!

Case of the Mondays

Monday is not my favorite day of the week. The optimist in me says that it is like a new beginning and a fresh start. But the negative side always creeps in and sadly reminds me that the weekend is over and will not be here again for another 5 days.

One thing I do look forward to every Monday morning is a Facebook status update from one of my co-workers, who dubs himself the driver of the bitter bus more days than not. He is about as sarcastic as they come and I appreciate him for that. Here are a few examples of how he makes me smile as he welcomes in the week:

Dear Monday, You bring rain, wind, lightning and disturb my sleep. You frakkin' vile, dysfunctional cow. Please feel free to go directly to hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.00.

Dear Monday, You are dragging on and on like an unstoppable case of dysentery. Or a Celine Dion concert. Please do us all a favor, and end already.

Dear Monday. You bring downpours, flooded streets and wicked lighting. So, so typical for a skank like you. Please feel free to piss up a rope.

Dear Monday, Just because its a holiday doesn't mean you're not still a heinous dirtbag.

Dear Monday, Once again, you have arrived like a boil on the butt of humanity. Please do the right thing and abdicate in favor of Tuesday as soon as possible.

Dear Monday, There is a 10.30am train to Skankville. Please be on it.

Faux Hawk

Ever since seeing this hair tutorial a few months ago, I've been wanting to try it out. I decided 80/35 was the perfect venue to rock such a look.

It only took about 15-20 minutes to do, 5 big hair ties, 5 small hair ties, about 10 bobby pins, and some hair spray. First, I divided my hair into 5 sections, using the bigger hair ties, then used the 5 small ones to form each section into something resembling a bun. Finally, I used the bobby pins to help fill in any holes.

And the final product looked like this:

Backview:


Sideview:


Overall I was happy with how it turned out. I received a lot of compliments and felt more like a rockstar than I probably would have otherwise :) The only thing I think I would do differently next time is pull my bangs back. I, personally, think I look silly without bangs, which is why I didn't do it, but I think it would've pulled the whole look together better, because, as you can see below, from the front, it looked like I was just rocking a high bun.



But it was a fun experiment, definitely something different, and I'm always up for mixing things up. Would I do this again? Si!

Me Gusta

Homeless Kit

I'm posting this story that I heard last night, as a reminder of just how spectacular the people in my life are:

"So we were driving home and I saw a homeless man sitting on the side of the road and I decided we needed to do something to help. So we drove home, I got some shirts, a granola bar, and a powerade, put it in a bag, and drove back out to where he was. Unfortunately he was gone by the time we got back. So now we have a homeless kit in the trunk for the next time I see a homeless person"

Any guesses on who this was?!

Friends don't get much better than that :)