The Dating Game

Don't worry boys and girls, I'm still waiting in the wings, but a few of my friends have become contestants in the game of dating. It has got me thinking about dating in general and why it is even considered to be a game. It goes through my head like this:

Welcome to the Dating Game! I'm your host, Nic. Let's introduce our contestants, shall we?

Contestant # 1 is a daredevil sky diving instructor who has jumped out of hundreds of airplanes but still not able to parachute into love.

And Contestant #2 - a small town girl just looking for love in the big city. She enjoys spending time on the beach making sand castles and is searching for her soul 'moat' *laughter from the crowd as I flash a cheesy grin into the camera*

OK, let's play, The Dating Game! Contestants, write down the correct answers to the following questions.

Question #1: How long do you wait to accept your crush's friendship request on Facebook?

A. 2 hours
B. 1 day
C. A week

Question #2: It's Saturday afternoon and the guy you've been talking to asks you to go out to dinner with him that night. How do you respond?

A. Accept. After all, if you spend one more Saturday night watching reruns of Fresh Prince of Bel Air you will officially go into the Loser Hall of Fame.
B. Decline even though you don't have plans. Hey, you don't want him to think you are too eager.
C. Ignore him completely. How dare he assume you don't have plans on a Saturday night! He can wait until tomorrow.

Question #3: It's been 5 days since you've heard from your crush. You thought things went great on your first date and want to see him again. What do you do?

A. Send him a text asking if he wants to get together this week. I mean, you have nothing to lose at this point.
B. Grab your morning latte at the coffee shop he goes to, hoping you'll just happen to run into him.
C. Nothing. If he was really into you, he would have responded to your text you sent him 3 days ago.

Question #4: You find out the guy you have been dating for 3 weeks has a wedding in his hometown next weekend and you wonder if he's going to ask you to be his date. How will you find out?

A. Just ask him - being upfront and honest is the best way to get your answer.
B. Drop hints to him all week - talk about weddings, road tripping, and tell him how you feel a little guilty for buying this 'hot' dress but not having anywhere to wear it to.
C. Try to forget about it and keep secretly hoping he's going to ask you at any moment.

We'll reveal the answers when we come back from this commercial break!

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Welcome back! Let's see what the correct answers are!

*A message pops up on the TV screen* Please be patient. We are experiencing technical difficulties

Isn't that the way it goes? We never seem to know what the exact protocol is for dating. It turns into this endless mind game, where we constantly try to guess what is going through the other person's head. In the early stages, it is more of a game of tag. You want to show you are interested but need to be cautious - you can't come on too strong or seem too eager. But what exactly is too strong and too eager? We second guess every move we are about to make. We question the silliest things like how long to wait before replying to an email. If we receive a text message we wonder how long we should wait before responding - 5 minutes, 20 minutes, 2 hours?

Then it turns more into a game of strategy. We suddenly become conscious of the little details. "I called him last night so it's his turn to call me tonight." Or, "I need to end the phone conversation tonight - she let me go last time."

And then, providing the game has not ended yet, it becomes a matter of risk. We have to decide if we ready to stop wading our feet in the water and dive into the sea of a committed relationship. How do we begin such a talk? Will we label this 'thing' and call it a relationship?

Why do we participate like we are contestants in a game show or athletes in a sporting event when it comes to dating? Are we crazy for obsessing over absurdities such as the timing of sending/receiving emails, phone calls, etc? Is it foolish to wonder if the smiley face emoticon you ended your text message with was the reason why your crush hasn't texted you back? Or is it all a matter human nature? Is it natural for our minds to respond in such a way?

I wish I could answer these questions. I wish I could end this posting with all kinds of brilliant theories on the subject of dating and elaborate on why we struggle with it so much. I wish I had the answers for all those clueless souls out there (including myself) on the game that is dating. But, alas, I am just as clueless as everyone else. Would a dating handbook answer these questions? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps we just need to learn from past 'games' and keep our heads up for future ones...

Work Comp Claim in the Works?

At my place of employment, we have what seems like hundreds of flat screen TVs throughout the building. Eventually, they tell us, it will be a means for corporate communications - things that once appeared on email will now appear on these TVs. This has yet to happen. Instead CNN is blasted through the airwaves.

Don't get me wrong, I like to know what's going on in the world and I like to keep up on my current events. But I feel like I am being overexposed. Now it's not like I just sit and watch the muted TVs all day long, but it's hard to escape the hundreds of flat screens that have invaded our building. First thing I see when I get to my floor - a TV - where 99% of the time some depressing headline is being thrown in my face like, "Cuba in Crisis" or "H1N1 Claims 4 More Lives." Then as I approach my cubicle, which is only feet away from that first TV I see, I am once again exposed. "White Supremacist Suspect in Museum Shooting" and "Father Charged in Baby's Death." Not exactly the positive note I want to start my day with.

And it doesn't stop! Lunchtime rolls around and I see this - "4 Dead in Murder Suicide." Ugh, never thought I'd actually wish I could watch Fox News bash Obama's health care reform! Now again, it's not like I sit at lunch and watch the TV, but with 10 different screens staring you in the face, it's hard to not glance up and see a headline. Or, for that matter, have a co-worker bring a headline to your attention and then having it become the topic of conversation.

Do you think I could file a work comp claim for my bruised mental state?!? Don't worry, place of employment, I'm just being facetious. So lawyers don't pick up your phones to call me. But maybe we can discuss the possibility of a channel change.

Or maybe the better solution is for me to make a conscious effort to ignore the TVs. You know, treat it like it's a guy I once dated that I can't stand to look in the face anymore and avoid him at all cost! I think I could be pretty good at that! :)

A Game of Tag

The other day as I was catching up on my 'blog reading', I saw a friend had tagged me in this photo game that she had participated in. I thought it was a neat idea so I decided to join in the fun. The game goes like this - Open the 4th picture folder on your computer, open the 4th picture, post it on your blog, and explain the picture. Then tag 4 people to do the same.

Here is the 4th picture from my 4th folder:



This is me adoring my 2 day old niece Regan. You can't see what her onesie says but it reads, "I love my auntie's xoxo's" :) She's the love of my life!

Since I'm still fairly new to the blogging world and don't have that many blogging friends, the lucky 4 who I am tagging are:

L

LW

JW

BG

*Disclaimer* You don't have to participate, but it's kind of fun to walk down memory lane.

A True 'Dear Journal' Moment

Last night L and I went to the Coldplay concert. I was expecting a great show but had no idea I would actually utter the words, "This is hands down the best concert I've been to yet." (especially after No Doubt.) There is just something about experiencing live music that sends you on this complete and natural high. All kinds of emotions are forcefully injected into your entire being, sending chills down your spine and producing goosebumps on your skin. It's the way that the lyrics somehow pertain to a particular personal life experience. It's the way the chords form into the song of your life. It's how the drums become the beat of your heart. And it's the vibe from the surrounding crowd that forms your soul.

There were several "omg" moments last night; the yellow balloons that dropped from the ceiling during, "Yellow," when the entire band made its way into the crowd for a couple of songs and were just feet away from our seats, and the confetti that fell during, "Viva La Vida." But one of the most intense moments, for me, was during the song, "Fix You."

I had a feeling going into the show that I would probably shed a few tears. Any of you who know me well enough should not be too surprised by this. And I did not disappoint. As the first few notes of the song were revealed, I looked over at L and gave her that look of, yep, this is where I will be brought back to a point of paramount significance in my life.

A rush of emotion came over me as the flashbacks of my past engulfed my soul. I couldn't help but think of all those heart wrenching moments that I once experienced; witnessing the struggle, the frustration, the hopelessness, and the pain. That feeling of failure I felt at the time suddenly came back as if I had never made peace with it.

I tried so hard. I somehow thought I would be able to fix it. After all, doesn't love heal all? It seemed like everyone gave up but I wouldn't. I would continue to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. I would keep putting on the band aids. Eventually all my efforts would make it stop, or so I thought.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

As the song finished, the crowd's screams of excitement and satisfaction snapped me back into reality. It's over. I've come to terms with it. I will always have these brief moments of my past come back to haunt me every now and then...but as I look back at L and she puts her arm around me and tells me she loves me, I realize that it's okay. I have room in my life to be susceptible to this kind of vulnerability every now and again, because I have been blessed with some of the most supportive friends and family a person could ask for. And they 'fix me.'

Local Eats - Big Treat

Today I was once again reminded of how rewarding it can be to not only try something new, but to support local restaurants as opposed to the all too common chain restaurant. Not that you cannot have a wonderful experience at a chain restaurant, but eating locally provides that different flavor your palate is craving and the charming ambiance your free spirit is wanting.

We celebrated a co-worker's birthday today, BBQ style, at Woody's Smoke Shack. This was my first time there and let me tell you, it was amazing! The quaint atmosphere, friendly and fast service, and great company was just the ticket for our weekly lunch outing.

If you're in the mood for some great BBQ, definitely give this place a try!

What's the Buzz About?

Stephen Colbert has taken the Colbert Report to Iraq this week. He kicked off the first show wearing a camouflaged suit (made by Brooks Brothers - had to add that in for L) and with General Ray Odierno shaving his head, by order of President Obama (via a pre-recorded tape.) He poked fun at the soldiers and the war in Iraq. He, himself, even declared the U.S. victorious in the Iraqi war. This has left a bad taste in the mouths of some people.

I am not one of those people. I commend Colbert on making the trip to Iraq. I think taking his show on location in Baghdad was a great means of showing his support for our troops. So he made some jokes about the soldiers. He's a comedian - that's what he does. The soldiers were laughing....And so he shaved his head into the infamous 'Army buzz cut.' Wasn't this just another way he was showing his support and patriotism? As long as the soldiers weren't offended, why should any of us be?

Dealbreakers and Dealmakers

L and I like to play this game where we give each other hypothetical situations with potential dates and ask - dealbreaker? For example, "Hey L, what if your date picked you up in that - dealbreaker?", pointing at a powder blue Volkswagen bug. Or, "What if your date showed up in this?", pointing at the newest J Crew catalog with a picture of a guy wearing a plaid suit. It's just for fun and provides some much needed comic relief for 2 single girls who can easily be frustrated by our situations at times. We decided this would be a great topic for us to co-blog about. To clarify, this is more of an independent co-blogging project. (I know it sounds like an oxymoron but stay with me) We didn't consult each other before writing this - just decided we'd blog on the same topic tonight. I'm excited to see if we have any commonalties!

This really gets me thinking about what are, for me, the real dealbreakers and what are the real dealmakers. I think these are lists that can and will infinitely change - there will be deletions, additions, and modifications...but here's a few to get me started:

Dealbreakers:
*Close-mindedness - I am the type of person who tries to accept people for who they are. If I don't like being around you it's because I don't care for your personality, not because you only believe in showering 3 times a week or because you only wear black clothing, accented with spiked bracelets and heavy black eyeliner. If you can't handle a little diversity in your life, then it'll never work out...I have a wide variety of friends and family and I need someone to be accepting of all types.

*DB Syndrome - Everyone knows one - a disrespectful, egotistical, flat out a-hole. You know, the dude who only cares about 3 things in life - how much a$ he is getting, sports, and how good he looks after shaving off his chest, arm, and leg hair (don't you know this shows off your muscle definition - not to mention that your Ambercrombie powdered pink, popped collared polo never looked better on you) Umm...puke. Sure, I'm all for cheering on a guy who scores, that is if you are an underdog who just landed the hot girl you've been pining after for months...And yes, I like a guy whose hobbies include sports of all kinds - basketball, football, volleyball, soccer, golf, etc....But if you are so ignorant that you can't enjoy some of the other fine things in life - such as scoping out your local bargain book store for some great deals or going to a musical (and no, that does not make you gay) or God forbid you try eating at a local sushi place instead of hitting up Buffalo Wild Wings for their 'killer wings special' - then I'll be leaving you behind. DBS is incurable and henceforth, for me, is a dealbreaker.

*The Material Boy - You've got a souped up Cadillac Escalade in the garage that you obsess over to the point that you do a full out shoe inspection to make sure my shoes don't get your precious floor mats dirty. You refuse to shop retail of any kind - the mindset that if it's not designer, it's not worthy. You only care about the bottom dollar and will not let anyone or anything get in your way of making those hundreds and hundreds of dollar bills. You scoff at anyone who lives anywhere but those creepy cookie-cutter neighborhoods in the suburbs - you know the kind, where every house looks exactly same. You pride yourself in your 6 figure salary, the Armani suit you're wearing, never having to wait in line, and always getting seated in the VIP section. Excuse me while I go jump off a bridge - what a snooze fest. Material possessions will only take you so far in the game of life. I'll always turn the other way if you are this shallow.

Having pointed out a few dealbreakers, what about some dealmakers? First off, being the opposite of the 3 aforementioned items - being open minded, DBS free, and an appreciation for the littler things in life are a start. Here are a few more:

Dealmakers:
*No Lies - Trust is a huge thing in a relationship. Being with someone I know I can trust is a definite must. No tricks, no games, no lies. Being straightforward, accountable, and honest are imperative.

*Stand By Me - Supporting me through good times and bad is a definite plus in my book. I don't always expect sympathy but I do expect empathy. Maybe I am overreacting about Karen neglecting to tell me she is back in town for the weekend - newsflash - I'm a girl and sometimes that's what we do...we get upset over the stupid little things in life. But if you can find a way to say that without actually saying, "you are being stupid," then you are a keeper. When a loved one dies and you are there by my side to wipe away my tears and tell me you are here for me, I won't run away. And when you tell me you are so happy about my promotion that you want to celebrate - I'll happily accept. Those are automatic brownie points.

*Spontaneity/The Challenger - I like mixing things up, trying new things, and I'm always up for anything (well, almost anything) and if you are the same way then it's a match. Waking me up at 6:00 a.m. and telling me to pack a bag because we're going on a road trip - perfection. Trying out the new Thai restaurant that just opened up around the corner - right up my alley. That being said, I also like a challenge. And if you can challenge me, in all kinds of ways, then we are headed in the right direction. Encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone, making me want to be a better person, or even just challenging me to a silly game of Trivial Pursuit - these are all things that won't make me shy away.

Just to be clear - these aren't the only dealbreakers and dealmakers I have but it's a good start. And to be sure, everything that falls between the dealbreakers and dealmakers are negotiable, if I think it's worth negotiating.

Interested in seeing what L had to say? Check it out.