Chapter 1: Monday
I knew the trip was off to a good start when we glanced ahead to see who was in front of us at the Allegiant desk at the airport - DJ Jay. Who is he? We don't know either, but I could tell by his black tracksuit with iron-on appliques of his name and picture all over it, dirty wifebeat underneath, complete with dog tags, that he was somebody special/important. After a short 2.5 hour plane ride and a $15 cab ride to the hotel, we arrived to the Tropicana and checked in. We grabbed a quick, less than mediocre dinner at the Beach House Cafe and headed out to get ourselves reacquainted with the strip. We were about a half mile into our walk, talking through our memories from our last trip there, when suddenly the clouds parted and the angels from above came down to sing, "Hallelujah, hallelujah!" ...there it was, Adidas. I never knew just how special this particular store was until I visited the stores in Chicago. The store in Vegas is a combination of the Originals and Performance stores, making it a two-story mecca of Adidas wear. Last year L and I scored some fantastic gear there and this year was no exception either. L got a bangin' pair of shoes and track jacket and I got myself a pretty stellar hoodie and a pair of knee high socks. And although I took note of a pair of blue kicks, along with a bag I've had my eye on for over a year now, I showed commendable restraint and denied myself the additional purchases. (maybe if I stalk the website enough I'll catch them on mark down) After a little more exploration, we headed back to the room and called it a night.
Chapter 2: Tuesday
Hit up the pool for a little UV and R&R, complete with a book in one hand and a $10 terrible tasting margarita in the other to begin our day. Then off to Subway to share a $9 footlong (no such thing as $5 footlongs in Vegas apparently) and after refueling, we hit up the Miracle Mile shops. I, again, showed restraint and bought nothing, despite having several items in the Urban Outfitters fitting room. After a few hours of shopping, it was time to get cleaned up for our big night out on the town. We got all dressed up and headed to Tao for dinner. It was a beautiful sight - L in gray, myself in black, both of us in heels, and both of us accessorized with 32 oz cans of Bud Light (classy, party of 2) We grabbed the attention of many suitable bachelors...suitable if you enjoy being neighed and whinnied at (thank you naked women card passer outters) Apparently we also were violators of the law. (boys, put this in your back pocket for a rainy day) "Excuse me, you know it's against the law to have legs that long." After the long walk to the Venetian, we finally arrived to our destination. Instead of waiting for 30-40 minutes for a table, we opted for the Sushi bar. To entertain us for the evening, we had sitting diagonal from us - older married men group #1, sitting next to us - older married men group #2, our waiter, who I lovingly referred to as Ginger, and our bus boy, Ryan. Ginger, we suspected, had his eye on L, but after a conversation about chicken mcnuggets that led us to the conclusion that he had already reproduced several ginger babies, Ginger was out and down for the count. So, enter Ryan. This bus boy was trying to clear more than our eating spaces with his coy glances, the flirting, and what sealed the deal - his gift of Tao's 2 finest pairs of chop sticks to us. L wooed him by showing him how her flip flops fit into her bag. And me? After L informed him that I could recite all the presidents of the United States, you better believe I belted out the tune to prove it. I'm pretty sure by "the Cleveland came back again" I had him. After Tao, we switched out our heels for flip flops and began the long walk back to the other end of the strip.
Chapter 3: Wednesday
By day 2, I was afraid I was catching a cold, and I woke up Wednesday with a seductively low voice and a stuffed up nose to confirm my suspicions. (sexy can I) But that wasn't going to stop me from enjoying my vacation. Breakfast at New York New York, poolside back at the hotel, lunch in the MGM food court, back to the pool, and a short nap sums up our day. Wednesday evening was the biggest display of white trash debauchery I think I've ever been a part of. First, we each downed a $1.99 footlong coney dog (my first footlong AND coney dog in one sitting)
then we found a store we decided to peruse through, which carried many questionable items that of course we had to try on including hideous faux fur coats, trashy dresses, and a pair of Affliction leather pants.
To negate the shameful display of what can hardly be called fashion, we knew we had to head over to the Forum shops to restore our faith in the fashion world. Prada, Gucci, Tiffanys, oh my! The highlight was Anthropologie. This was my first time in the actual store, trying on the clothes, and I was in love. I think L was sick of me because every other thing I saw I uttered something like, "oh my gosh L look at this!" Jaw-dropping pieces everywhere. I tried on several items, lusting over each and every one but my amazing restraint, along with the hefty price tags kept my plastic in my wallet. Before heading back, we caught a couple of fountain shows at the Bellagio, which is one of my favorite spots in Vegas, as a night cap.
Chapter 4: Thursday
Thursday was pretty much a repeat of Wednesday - breakfast, pool, lunch, nap, dinner outing. The pool scene was the most entertaining this day. It wouldn't be a vacation without spotting the chick at the pool who makes you feel less than average - you know the kind - long flowing hair, fake tits that are busting out of her string triangle bikini top, and just in case you had any ounce of self confidence left, you see her two-T'd (toned and tanned) ass peeking out from the Brazilian bottoms. L and I gave her props, where they were due, but it wasn't without our sarcastic undertones, of course. Unfortunately for her, there were not many guys around to oogle her goodies, but there was Creepy McDrunkerton, who had his wife and 12 year old son in tow. On his way to the bar, for what was presumably his 7th drink of the day based on his behavior, he stopped by Tits McGee for a good eye fuck and chat. Feeling confident after this, McDrunkerton proceeds to climb an empty lifeguard chair and only comes down after being whistled at by the on duty lifeguard several times and being talked to by the cocktail waitress. He, not surprisingly, showed little respect for the waitress, who in turn, called security, who basically threw him out, only after being called an asshole by none other than his wife. This soap opera developed right in front of L and I's eyes and I think we both said a little prayer that we'd never have to deal with such a douche. All that excitement got us hopped up to make some excitement of our own...caution, it's pretty intense:
After waking up from another short nap (all that "craziness" makes a girl tired) we cracked open a bottle of wine, turned on the pod, and got ready for the night. We, once again, headed to the opposite side of the strip, making a pit stop at the Bellagio for a photo op
and then continued on to the Fashion Mall for our last supper in Vegas at El Segundo Sol.
The dinner was pretty great, until I looked up at L shortly after taking our first few bites and I saw her face getting red and her eyes watering. After downing a glass of water and half of her marg, she said, "wow, I just bit into something hot." It was only a short minute later, after dissecting her fajita, that she saw she had bit into a habanero. Yikes. Between that and my intense cold, our last night in Vegas came to close, without any dancing (which we were hoping to do after dinner) We made the loonnnggg trek back to the hotel and passed out.
Chapter 5: Friday
We packed up, checked out, and took another $15 cab ride to the airport. After a smooth and quick security check, we were at our gate in plenty of time. The 2.5 hour plane ride back to Iowa was a long one...first, L and I overheard a conversation that broke my Spanish speaking heart. 2 old women discussing how to say hello in Spanish. "Is it ole or whole-ah?" Ugh, I cried a little bit. Second, happy-mic flight attendant couldn't keep his yap off the intercom...I think he announced in 15 minute intervals when we'd be landing in Des Moines. But, we finally made it - ah, home.
I love traveling and vacationing, but I am always excited to come home. I knew it was time when L and I started getting weird (more than we usually are) Friday morning before getting up for the day. L and I discussed how lame it seems that we didn't ever get too wild 'n crazy, but we decided that it's okay. We wanted/needed a getaway and that's what we got...besides, who wants to waste money boozin' it up and feeling like shit the next day? I mean, we can do that here, right? Either that, or we're just getting old.
Thanks again to Jim and Norene for your amazing generosity and making this trip possible for L and I. And thanks L for being a great travel partner, roommate, and friend. Thanks for being a great sport and for being understanding when I needed a nap or wanted to call it a night. I had a blast and can't wait for our next trip!
