Pop Quiz. Name this movie:
Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found someone special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
If you said Pulp Fiction, you are correct. Love this movie and love this quote.
It's something I find to be so incredibly true. When in the beginning of a relationship with someone, be it a friend or significant other, it becomes one's obligation, it seems, to avoid those awkward silent moments.
The recipe for the awkward silent moment goes something like this: start by sitting across from someone. Add in eye contact and then slowly stir in glances around the room. After 15 seconds, (it will feel like 5 minutes) quickly make eye contact again and add a pinch of an awkward face gesture, like the "this-is-super-awkward-right-now" smirk. Then quickly escape the situation. Enjoy!
Sometimes you make a mental list in your head of "emergency topics" that you are harboring in your head like a bomb, only to be launched when you feel the awkward silent moment coming on. Other times you start the run-of-the-mill bullshit convo about the weather or gas prices. And god forbid you start word vomitting all over the other person's shoes, resulting in either hurt feelings or embarrassment, leaving you to pick up the shovel to start digging your own grave.
For me, a critical turning point in a relationship, is when I am relieved of such a feeling. I can sit in silence with a friend or boyfriend and not feel weird about it. I do not feel the pressure to keep the conversation flowing and I do not feel like I have to dig deep inside and say something truly profound or funny. And I certainly do not feel the need to resort to a cliche conversation like, "how 'bout all that snow?!"
Comfortable silence...simply brilliant.
That's when you know you've found someone special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
March Madness 2018
8 years ago
Vincent was on heroin in that scene, so he's got a "mellow" advantage.
ReplyDeleteGood post. Too true. I have trouble getting there with anyone. I think some people can do that easier than others... One of my secret goals for 2010 was to talk less. For real. I'm not doing very well.
i usually tend to err on the other end of the spectrum...not talking enough to keep convo flowing.
ReplyDeleteand 'secret goals' caboose? you sound like a spy! :)
i agree though, good post. it is a great feeling to enjoy being with someone, without having to artificially process filler.